Aed jokes
I have a little John.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
What type of implants are at a Chinese dentist office? Buck teeth implants.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?
A European.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Yo hairline so long that it doesn't have a stopping point.