Aed jokes
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"
Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
"Just killed a woman, feeling good."
- Tommyinnit
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).