Aed jokes

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

Are you made of Gallium and Yttrium?

Because you are looking a little bit GaY.

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!

A funny joke:

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

What's black and white and read all over?

A newspaper.

What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?

A penguin falling down the stairs.

How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?

Because she runs away from balls.

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

Gay is a mental illness.

You're not thinking straight.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"