Aed jokes

If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you told them twice.

Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?

Yung Flung Dung.

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?

The feather, because the rope stopped the child.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."