Aed jokes
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.
It's a shitzu.
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What's the difference between Nickelback and a nickel?
A nickel is actually metal.
What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?
Chromostone.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.