Aed jokes
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support its family.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
kill me
Russia.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
None, they both eat out.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
What do you call a gay cactus?
A "prick."
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
Want to hear a pun?
Well, I'll punch you with one!