Aed jokes

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?

They slash them.

Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

What do you call a Turk eating turkey?

A cannibal.

Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.

What will die immediately instead of having to suffer torture on the spike of a Judas cradle? A Geometry Dash icon.

I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!

What does a gorilla attorney study?

The law of the jungle.

What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?

Ape Suzettes.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

Q: What do kidnappers and rapists have in common?

H: It's similar to shoes.

A: White Vans.