Aed jokes

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

What do you call a winter time contact?

A Santa Claus.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.

TommyInnit is a joke.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.