Pumpkin jokes
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?
Because he cheated at everything!
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Guys, what should I be for Halloween (aka tomorrow)?