Aed jokes
A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Q: What happens when emos make out?
A: They don't; they just hang out.
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?
A monkey caused worldwide outrage.
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"