Aed jokes
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.
What do you call an orphan home alone?
A family reunion.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
What is a tornado's favorite game?
Twister!
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!