Aed jokes

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.

What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

What do you call a winter time contact?

A Santa Claus.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.

TommyInnit is a joke.

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.