Aed jokes

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!

Q: How did the explorers get to school?

A: They rode the Colum-bus!

What do you call a violent fish?

A smackeral!

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

A baby seal walked into a club.

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?

Removing a bomb.

What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?

A jammy cunt.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.

Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

What did the panther say at the poker party?

I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.