Aed jokes
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
My aim is cursed; one of my Angry Birds hit a field.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.
TommyInnit is a joke.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.