Aed jokes
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
A funny joke is not funny after laughing because then it becomes a porn hub.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The driving instructor.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Why are a majority of rape allegations false?
Because whores like to cry wolf.
Why does a Mexican want to learn math?
To study perimeter.
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."