Aed jokes

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.

25 at a time.

Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

Hello guys, imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want without parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call it "Happy world for kids." Leave a comment telling me what it would be called! Enjoy! :)

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.

They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.

What’s a sheep’s favorite song?

"Baby Don’t Herd Me."

What do you do when a baby starts to cry?

You use more lube.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

A KinderGarden.

Yo mama so ugly a rapist wouldn't even touch her with a barge pole.

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn't peeling well.

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?

Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.