Aed jokes
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"
Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
I just started this site (explain bear, make me welcome plz)
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
Roses are red, I hate snitches, You talk a lot of game for a guy with 3 inches.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"