Aed jokes

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...

Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."

Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?

Domi-nose.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Patient: Good news!

Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?

A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.