Aed jokes

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.

When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔

What do you call a mouse with sneakers?

Squeakers!

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.