Aed jokes
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.
A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I'm in school lol.
Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.
Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
What is the best way to pick up a woman from the bar?
Spike her drink with roofies.
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Why don't terrorists like Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."