Aed jokes
Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.
The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.
After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.
Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
If I make a great joke, I will pay for it.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Today I feel Qatari. Today I feel Arab. Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel a migrant worker.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."