Aed jokes

Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.

Midget: Hey! What’s up?

Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!

How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?

Depends how hard they blow out the candles.

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.