Aed jokes
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.