Aed jokes
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Become an anti-furry for free KFC and dead orphans in your basement.
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?
A motherboard.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.