Aed jokes
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Well shit.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.