Aed jokes
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
When you realize the person reading this is a clown.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
So Jessie Waters goes on TV without a gallon of hair gel. Oh wait, never mind!
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...
Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"