Aed jokes

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league!"

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?

They don't know what a house is.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.

What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?

Ketchup!

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?

Super Smash Bros.