Aed jokes
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.
Iron Man is just a golden retriever with a red background.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
Have a great year!
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
What do you call a group of black people?
A hoodie.
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.