Aed jokes
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
bro what?
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
Black comedy name week:
Malt liquor Monday Tupac Tuesday Watermelon Wednesday Thong Thursday Fried chicken Friday Sukie Sukie Saturday Slap a hoe Sunday
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"