Aed jokes
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.