Aed jokes
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
What's a rapist's fav position?
Missionary in a dark corner.
Master has given Dobby a Glock. Dobby is Thug.
A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."