To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now

one day I came to my mom and said “MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!”

mom: “no you can’t…”

me: throws butter out the window me: “look I made a butterfly!”

lol this isn’t funny but I hope you liked it

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

My syndrome may be down but my hopes are always up

To the guy who stole my depression medication, I hope you’re happy

Cremation: My last hope for a smoking hot body.

Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter… … from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren’t able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6’s help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said we will never forget 911. I thought i should hope not its your phone number.

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants… I hope they’re happy now 😐

i love murder shows… wish me luck cause im kinda hoping to be on one one day

Here are a few:

While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said “Sorry! It’s been awhile since I’ve possessed a body.” She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!

Son: Dad why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won’t eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won’t eat a person.

this is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? i see there is a bunch of haters but DON’T i repeat, DON’T let the haters get to you. i hope you see this and respon and that you are okay plz Gwen be honest.

Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel and when all the sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says father what is that? He says this sister is the wand of life. The nun says good, now go stick it in that camels ass and let’s get the hell outa here!

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson

You know, I got a SKELETON, of these jokes, all are HUMERUS, yeah, this get’s Under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening, hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!