Aed jokes
What do you call a U.S. border hopper?
A Mexican jumping bean.
What do you call a dumpster with an antenna on it? Radio Morocco.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
The Stigg is a joke.
I wanna see this pic of me in a bra! Where do I find it?
Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.
One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
Why is my dick like a balloon? The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Nice belt!"
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.