Aed jokes
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
I pushed a handicapped orphan out of his wheelchair. Who is he gonna tell, his parents?
Top G advice: You’re either a smart fella or a fart smella.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?
A tEsTiClE!
I've got not much of anything to be honest.
Been in special classes in school.
Not liked by people.
Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.
31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.
Not very smart.
Don't look good.
Hate myself more than anything.
Been a failure at everything in life.
Probably be alone forever.
People treat me like crap.
Can't do anything right.
And the list goes on and on.
So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
A blind comedian walks into a room, or did he? Dun, dun, dun!
This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
You're a fat poop poop!
My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"