Aed jokes

Why do you joke about Helen Keller?

She was a good person, and she learned sign language and learned to talk. So why DO YOU MAKE FUN OF HER!

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

What do you call a dick?

Suck my dick!

Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?

You should watch Ryan ToysReview because he's not mean; he's a very nice boy.

Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?

Everywhere.

I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."

What do you call a kid with no home?

A homeless kid.

What's the difference between an orphan and an Egyptian?

Egyptians have mummies.

How do Americans learn the metric system?

9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?

Skip.

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?

Musical electric chairs.

Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.

I'm tired of seeing Mal's joke the second I open up the site. It's not a bad joke. I'm just tired of it.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?

50 Cents of Gray.

W-what does, I mean uh, what is, um-, wh-what’s the difference, no... I mean- I mean what do you call a, um... sorry guys, i-i can’t do this. 😥🥺

*runs away in tears*