Aed jokes

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?

The first airplane.

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a sea-saw.

Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?

Because it’s a little meteor.

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

What do you call a German lesbian?

A krautmuncher.