Aed jokes

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

A: There was a face off in the corner.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"