Shooting

Anonymous

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting

Legs

Anonymous

This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”

The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”

So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”

When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”

The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…”

Depression

J0K35

Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.

Guy 2: Is it a hard life?

Guy: Yup

Guy 2: Then you can’t kill yourself LOL

Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the “game”

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud… (cyndagoooooooo)

Personal

Anonymous

How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.

The dog lead went slack

Wife

Anonymous

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael’s wife died the same day that Mark’s boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, “Heck no. In fact, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!” The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Foot

(Optional)

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

Girl

PackersFan

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a Girl, because it won’t let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

Wife

Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

Legs

Anonymous

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Means

Exsqueeze me?

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”

Prostitution

Dumbhunter69

What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They’re both paid for a good finish…

Jesus

Te4inchpounder

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”

Puns

Anonymous

What did the dalmation dog say after he finished his meal?

That hit the spot?

Wife

Greg

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, “Listen Barack, I’m getting older and I’m having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?” Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. “Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama.”

Legs

Jason

What’s got 6 legs 3 arms and 3 heads?

The finish line at the Boston marathon

Man

seb

MAN A: ‘‘is google male or female’’?

MAN B: ‘‘female because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion’’.

Toilet

Anonymous

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Doctor

Aymen

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.

Man

Anonymous

One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy

Who are you?

I am mountain man

Girl

USSR Soldier

How can you tell if google is a girl? It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence

Loading...