Finish

Finish jokes

Genie

    • A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

  • 3

    • Bathroom

    • This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

    So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

    The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

    So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

    When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

    The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

  • 8
    • Finish memes

    Text

    • Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

    Mom: Did you finish your homework?

    Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

    Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

    Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

    Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

    Son: That was cruel!

  • 3

    • Chicken

    • Why did the chicken cross the road? He had to finish his essay, or the teacher was gonna whoop his fat butt cheeks!

  • 2

    • Undies

    • A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

  • 1

    • Burrito

    • The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

    A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

  • 0

    • Student

    • It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

    1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

    "You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

    "Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

    After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

    1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

    "No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

    "No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

    "Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

    "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

  • 1

    • Hitman

    • A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

    The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”

  • 1

    • Google

    • Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

    Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."

  • 2

    • Blonde

    • A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

    The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

    "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

  • 0

    • Mom

    • What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

    Your mom finishes.

  • 0