What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
What can an Olympic runner do that hitler cant. Finish a race
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”
One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy
Who are you?
I am mountain man
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
„You’re not going to have time to finish this,“ the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. „Yes I will,“ replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
„No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.“ The student looked incredulous and angry. „Do you know who I am?“
„No, as a matter of fact I don’t,“ replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. „Do you know who I am?“ the student asked again. „No, and I don’t care,“ replied the professor with an air of superiority. „Good,“ replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
why cant hitler join track? because he cant even finish a race
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.
Guy 2: Is it a hard life?
Guy: Yup
Guy 2: Then you can't kill yourself LOL
Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the "game"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
what did hitler and usain bolt have in common? they both finished the races
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says who the fucks be fucking my wife the room goes silent, the guy in the back finishes his beer and says you ain't got enough bullets.
Your hairline is so far back paw patrol couldn’t finish there mission
Q: what’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf hitler?
A: One got to finish a race
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They're both paid for a good finish..
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.
The dog lead went slack
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a Girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him", so i couldn't do a fatality. I was confused but i understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
