Aed jokes

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a sea-saw.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?

Because it’s a little meteor.

A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Cause it's a family company.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Doberman in a playground.

If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?

What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?

What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.

What is an alien's favourite chocolate?

A Mars bar.