Aed jokes

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What’s the key to a successful relationship?

Consent.

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.

If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

How do you make a fruit punch?

You give it a pair of boxing gloves.

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?

His lawnmower.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

What do you need in order to crash a train?

A bad track record.

I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.