How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.