Aed jokes

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...

no one could tell that it was their blood.

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...

Let the bodies hit the floor.

What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?

The drone guy didn't know either.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.