Aed jokes
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
Memes
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.