Aed jokes
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.