Aed jokes
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
Hey, do you like nuts? Try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* It's a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* We got cashues peanuts wallnuts!
And it's called deez nuts! *slam dunk* Try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! It's a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*
Life is like a penis. It is short.
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?
A strong man’s biceps.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
Are you a bull, because I wanna ride you like a rodeo.
Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?
Wait a minute! What am I talking about?
What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.
Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?
Exactly, cuz she's a woman.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.