Aed jokes
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.
(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
Every like this gets, I will kill a telemarketer.
Every dislike, I will kill a cute puppy.
Every comment, I will kill your ex bf or gf and send you a PS5.