Aed jokes
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
Q: What did people say when Kim Kardashian was at the beach?
A: Stop littering!
A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!