Aed jokes
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
Why was there a, ummmmm, a cow?
.......... To moo.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
Who rates these jokes as "Newest" and "Hot"?
Answer: a S-T-O-O-G-E.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?
Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”