Aed jokes
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
What do you call a retard in the military?
Special forces.
Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favorite color.
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.