Aed jokes
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I'm as straight as a rainbow.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.