If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."
With a poke-poke here,
And a poke-poke there,
Here a poke, There a poke, everywhere a poke-poke!
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
This is mean af. Y'all need to stop this. Like, what the f *ck? What would happen if you all grew up and you were like this? Like, damn.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.
