Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."
With a poke-poke here,
And a poke-poke there,
Here a poke, There a poke, everywhere a poke-poke!
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
