Action jokes
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.
If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂
Run, bestie, run!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
Good news! There's a new program to help autistic people. It's called Action T-4.
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
She blew on it, and it went hard.
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because they hate how he cares about family.