*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon
Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
Ok so one time a deaf kid got in to a car accident but he didnt herd in on the new
what did dom toerreto say about the tree paul walker hit famly strong but not that strong
Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade. John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
i was trying to hang the lights when i accidentally kicked the chsur
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested it's factuality-
Well it's been some good years now Haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning fortunately no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Scoucer at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer by what time is it mate? American replys thats a mad accent were are you from ? Scoucer says liverpool american oh what state is that in? Scoucer looks around and says about the same state as this mate but what time is it?
Did you hear the news? Michael jackson died, because he choked on 7 year old nuts and balls
They told me throwing babies was bad but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
wdid u know that stephon hawking deth was by accident because he pressed shut down instead of sleep mode
What mistake did the manager of the twin towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So I crashed the car.
The 911 people really dint scramble fast enough so they got folded like and omelet
