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Accident

Accident jokes

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?

Answer: The tree.

Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!