One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Accident Jokes
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?
I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.
I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!
Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
