Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
