Accident jokes
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.