Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek–a-boo accident? To the I.C.U.
i killed a man in 94
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
What's the difference between covid and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident and the media blaming it on 9/11.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
When i was going downstairs Sum Ting Wong fell and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Ok so one time a deaf kid got in to a car accident but he didnt herd in on the new
what did dom toerreto say about the tree paul walker hit famly strong but not that strong
Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter
