Accident jokes
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.