My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
Accident Jokes
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"
There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Why did AlexDaEgg fall down the stairs? Because he is fat.
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
Fall
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?
Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
