Q: What happens when an asian with an erection walks into a wall? A: He breaks his nose
Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair so we are playing Rocket League.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
